Wednesday, April 29, 2009

I Love You

When somebody says, "I love you", we feel very happy, but we don't really believe it. We always have this fear in our minds, "When he/she knows more about me he/she will not love me any more. I have to be prepared for that. I have to be prepared for being rejected." We don't have complete trust; we are always uncertain. Are we really sure when we say, "I love you"? Very rarely. It seems rare to know somebody who can really understand you. When you have nobody who understands you (or at least tries to understand or empathise with you), you feel very lonely. How many lonely people are there in this world of five billion people? Is there real contact between one person and another? Can we really touch another human being? Will you let another person touch you?

You want someone to love you. Yet when you love someone you don't feel that you're worthy of their love. To make you feel worthy of his love you must sacrifice yourself, but that kind of relationship is never secure and satisfying. Security in relationships: it's possible only for those who are mature and secure in themselves. Those who have feelings of insecurity and unworthiness will never feel secure in any relationship.

People usually don't love someone who has sacrificed for them; they don't want to be indebted to anybody. And even more so if you remind them of how much you have sacrificed for them. Strange? Yes, people are strange. If you have helped someone it's best for you if you then forget about it. If they remember, it's nice of them, but if you remind them of how much you have done for them, they'll hate you for it.

"If I sacrifice for him he'll love me forever." No! Don't deceive yourself.

"I love you not for what you've done for me, but for who you are."

"I'll forgive him and he'll forgive me, and we'll love each other." No! That's a kind of bargaining.

People want to be loved, including you and me, but what we do to be loved is different.

To be loved unconditionally, that is what we really want. But can we love ourselves unconditionally?

Do you love yourself? Strange question. We don't think about it.

It is easier to love than to understand, it is better still if the two go together.

We must learn to love without becoming dependent or possessive. Pure love doesn't cause pain.

Real metta is necessary in relationships; without it relationships don't mean much. With metta comes acceptance, understanding and tolerance. We are not perfect and nobody is perfect. To see our own imperfection and to feel OK about it is very important to our happiness and even to the progress in our practice. If we cannot accept our imperfection how can we accept somebody else's?

People could live in harmony if they were willing to give each other as much freedom as possible, if they were not so manipulative or bossy.

(Quoted from the book, "Snow In The Summer" by Sayadaw U Jotika.)

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